I can understand that decades ago, when our parents (or when our grandparents with their children) expected absolute obedience, methods were used that little or nothing ensured to preserve a correct emotional balance in children, methods such as punishment, cheek, the threat, the use of the belt, psychological abuse or others.
But I cannot understand that today, with all that we have advanced in the knowledge of emotional intelligence, with everything that adults try to avoid repeating from our childhood, because of not perpetrating the same errors generation after generation, there is a psychologist who is able to suggest putting the child who has a tantrum in cold water as a method.
The children, those little aliens
That a psychologist, in the 21st century, says that putting a child in cold water is a logical and acceptable method is a clear sign that children are still considered small aliens. I say, aliens, or bugs, or chunks of meat that move, because if not, I do not explain. Anyone who considers that a child is a person with feelings and emotions will be able to think that it is most likely that the cold water surely does not like a hair.
And look, if you have no studies on the subject and think it is correct because your father did the same, or worse, it can still be understood as something that has not yet been reflected or as one of many acts that are carried out with children without doing an act of empathy, without trying to understand what can happen in their head when they are done that.
But what a psychologist says on television, speaking as an expert, gives mercy. You will tell me who will defend the children if the students of emotions, if an expert of the childish mind suggests that one of two: or I let it pass, or cut the palette for the healthy, and it turns out that choose the second one with the most annoying and disrespectful methods.
Putting ourselves in the children's place
You are talking with your partner while you eat. Suddenly he tells you that he has done something heinous, something that unnerves you. It is something that is taking you out of your boxes, your heart speeds up and finally you explode. You don't talk anymore, you scream. You don't listen anymore. He tells you to calm down, that he wants to explain it to you, but something is running through your blood, at full speed, that does not let you think and that makes you scream and tell him everything you think suddenly, one word after another.
Suddenly, when you're screaming because you can't understand how he could do something so terrible throws the glass of water in your face. You shut up suddenly. End of discussion.
What is the most absurd thing you have ever read? Why would anyone think of ending an argument by pouring a glass of water at another person? Why receiving a glass of water is one of the most disrespectful things they can do to you? Well, now imagine what a child can feel when his father or mother decides, because he is not able to control his emotions, put him in cold water for a while.
Where is that to dialogue, contain and active listening?
Yes, that a child with a tantrum can make us very, very nervous, I assume, but they have no other way to let us know that they are wrong. Sometimes the motive seems absurd, sometimes it is nothing more than a meaningless whim, but that is our assessment, is what we think. To them it seems quite the opposite, something as important as to cry a good time and complain as much as they can. So our role as parents is to try to understand and name their emotions.
We have commented many times already, but it does not hurt to do it one more, since an expert psychologist is not able to say this. I'm talking about telling the child that you understand him, that you know he's having a bad time, and explaining why we can't access what he wants: "I know you would love to have that toy you just saw, I know you get angry because you don't I buy, but we can't buy everything we want. " And notice that I put an example in which we talk about buying. What the hell will a child know what it is to buy?
"Of course they know what it is to buy! My son tells me to buy!", You will tell me. And it is true, my two-year-old son Guim usually says "Let's buy!" because he likes to put things in the car. He knows the word and associates it with the action, but does he really know where the money comes from? Do you understand that it is not unlimited? Do you know what money is? Or do you think people come in, take what they want and take it home? Well, I keep the last one, I think Young children simply think that everything they see can be put in the car and ready, for home. If we do it constantly! Well, tell him that he can't take what he wants. Impossible to understand.
And yet we have to explain it because one day, I don't know when, he will understand the concept. In the meantime you will have our words, our support, our calm voice, the dialogue. We will offer you our arms, we will listen to you in case you want to tell us something and, if necessary, we will explain the possibility of doing something else, that of making you forget the tantrum's motive and focus your attention on something else.
Put him in the shower with cold water? Please, what an insult to human intelligence.
