Today we have learned again about the case of little Diego, the 11-year-old boy who committed suicide last October due to the alleged bullying he suffered, all of us have shrunk our hearts when reading the letter he left to his parents.
I think the question we have all asked ourselves is the same Why do children commit suicide? What brings them to that extreme? To try to shed some light on it, we have asked the experts in psychology: Lucia Pastrana, is a psychologist specializing in child-youth and perinatal psychology, Alberto Soler Sarrió Psychologist expert in psychotherapy and advice to parents and Lucila Andres Psychologist with more than 30 years of experience in therapy of adolescent children and family.
"Dad, mom, these 11 years that I have been with you have been very good and I will never forget you as I will never forget you.
Dad, you have taught me to be a good person and to keep promises, and you have played a lot with me.
Mom, you have taken great care of me and taken me to many places. You are both amazing but together you are the best parents in the world.
Tata, you have endured many things for me and dad, I am very grateful and I love you very much.
Grandfather, you have always been very generous to me and you have cared for me. Love you very much.
Lolo, you have helped me a lot with my homework and you have treated me well. I wish you luck so you can see Eli.
I tell you this because I can't stand going to school and there is no other way not to go.
Please I hope that one day you can hate me a little less. I ask you not to separate dad and mom, just seeing you together and happy I will be happy.
I will miss you and hope that one day we can see each other again in heaven.
Well, I say goodbye forever.
Signed Diego.
Ah, one thing, I hope you find work very soon Tata. Diego González "
This is the tasting that Diego, the 11-year-old boy wrote shortly before committing suicide, reading it we cannot help asking:
Suicide in children between 8-14 years has increased in recent years, what leads a child of those ages, when they still do not even know what death is, to take their own lives?
In the first place it is not entirely true that suicide in the child population has increased, the statistics sometimes do not reflect reality, since they are currently disseminated more than before, they have more echo in the media and in the USSR .
In most cases, suicide or attempted suicide may arise as an escape or escape from a situation of strong stress or discomfort that they believe has no solution.
Psychologist Lucila Andrés.
Depending on your maturity and training you will be able to understand or not that death is an irreversible process. Between 9 and 11 they begin to be aware of it.
However, a child who thinks of committing suicide does not want to end his life, most of the time it is the means he finds to escape pain, sadness, anguish or anger. That is, the desire to die comes from the need to get out of a situation that they cannot face, the last resort to the feeling of having no other way out.
Psychologist Lucia Pastrana
There is never a single factor, and each case must always be analyzed individually. Probably, in cases like the one we have known today (fortunately very rare), both environmental factors and personality variables are intervening. As a society we have much to reflect to avoid cases like this.
Alberto Soler, Psychologist
Are there risk groups, obese, tall, short children, etc?
There are no risk groups based on physical or personal characteristics. The population at risk would be made up of children and adolescents vulnerable to stress and without coping strategies.
In addition, this problem is usually accompanied by a feeling of loneliness, real or perceived for the child as well as for incomprehension.
Lucila Andres
There are some vulnerability factors that we must take into account as the shy, reserved character, with few social skills and with difficulty adapting.
Another risk group will be children with academic problems or in very deteriorated family situations.
Lucia Pastrana
Among the risk factors that are most cited when talking about child suicide are domestic abuse, school problems, humiliating or humiliating treatment by power figures (parents, teachers, etc.), not having received help or help after asking for it repeatedly (helplessness), or the desire to meet with a recently deceased attachment figure.
Alberto Soler
Why do they commit suicide at a younger age?
Suicide itself it's a taboo subject which is not talked about much or made visible.
Child suicide is even more complicated to study and assess its incidence since in many cases, it is considered an accident.
A fact that we have to take into account is that The age of adolescence is getting ahead. And at this stage, feelings of imbalance and crisis are frequent. They face the challenge of leaving childhood without still having the skills of an adult. Hormonal changes, more responsibilities, relationships with peers ... can cause them to have negative feelings towards themselves.
Lucia Pastrana
Can these extreme cases be detected?
It can and should be detected any symptoms of helplessness; fear, sadness, apathy, anger or other emotional manifestations that occur recurrently and persistently in the child.
Lucila Andres
From the family environment it is important to be alert before unexplained mood swings (sadness, aggressiveness, irritability, etc.), changes in sleep or feeding pattern, problems in sphincter control (once they had already achieved that control), etc.
It is also due pay close attention to the child's relationship with the school, sudden drops in performance, refusal (with or without apparent reason) to go to the center, the emotional detachment towards friends.
Alberto Soler
It is necessary to pay attention to the following symptoms, especially if several occur at the same time:
- Isolation with respect to family and friends
- Loss of interest in your favorite activities
- Loss of appetite and / or weight
- Sleep disorders
- Aggression for no apparent reason
- Personal carelessness in their appearance and hygiene
- Problems at school or bad grades
- Interest in death and comments such as "if I were not", "I want to die" ...
- Truancy
- Physical discomfort
- Alcohol and drug abuse
- Negative thoughts about himself and his qualities
- Taking unnecessary risks ...> Lucia Pastrana
Is there anything that parents can do?
Parents should know and learn to communicate with the child, so that they are receptive to any mild or serious discomfort. It is necessary to know LISTEN to the child.
Sometimes the concern for academic subjects overshadows other important and vital issues.Before the more minimal suspicion It is important to communicate with teachers or the Educational Center and of course count the assessment and intervention (if any) of a specialized professional (psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor ... etc)
Lucila Andres
Never never, we should never underestimate a child's suffering or worries. Never. We must provide support and resources to address their difficulties without minimizing or denying them. Ideas like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" are very dangerous. In addition, it is necessary to be alert to the alarm signals that I mentioned previously and intervene early, mobilizing all the necessary resources to provide support to the child.
Alberto Soler
Parents We cannot isolate our children from all dangers or sufferings. What we can do is help them manage their emotions and have resources to deal with problems, always being their security base to turn to for support and protection.
For it It is important to start from minute 1 We have our babies in our arms. Creating a secure attachment bond with them will provide them in the future with the emotional intelligence necessary to resolve conflicts and cope with stress.
To the extent that we are able to recognize and respond to their emotions and needs, we are teaching them to self-regulate their emotions, while creating a relationship with them of trust and security so that they can come to us in difficult times. .
In the preteen and adolescence, ages in which the peer group takes on a special importance for them, we must be equally available and attentive. It is necessary to leave them a certain margin so that they can resolve the situations alone, but without forgetting that there are issues that we are ultimately responsible for, as in the case of suspecting that there is some kind of bullying or abuse towards the child.
Then the priority is to protect the child and investigate the fact, to convey that you are not alone and that we will help you find a solution.
Lucia Pastrana
Can you talk about guilty?
More than guilty, we are many responsible, from the family to the media, teachers, models of society that advocate disrespect and violence, lack of sensitivity to child discomfort.
We are all responsible
Lucila Andres
Thank you very much to all three of you for your answers and we hope they serve as a guide or help to our readers.
Lucila Andrés: She is President and Director Clínica de Grupo Luria S.L. Specialist in Clinical Psychology, registered psychologist at the College of Psychologists of Madrid, with more than 30 years of experience in therapy of adolescent children and family. [email protected]
Lucia Pastrana: Psychologist specializing in child and juvenile and perinatal psychology. My work is based on the belief that caring for mothers and fathers is the best way to care for children. For this reason I am dedicated to carrying out groups of Parent Schools and Emotional Accompaniment during pregnancy and postpartum; educational advice for parents; and of course, individual therapy for children and adolescents, and emotional intelligence groups for children.
My latest project through Yeeep Media Kids is to be able to help both parents and educators and children so that they can select the audiovisual content they see with discretion. Member of the GADEPSI Psychology Cabinet.
Alberto Soler Sarrió: (@asolers) is a psychologist and father of two children. He has more than 10 years of experience and 8,000 hours in psychotherapy and advice to parents on issues related to parenting. He writes in his blog Alberto Soler, in EL País and and is the author of the videoblog Pills of Psychology
