If you are a sure mother, they have told you any of the following phrases: "Do not load it, it will get bad", "If you do not let go then it will not let you do anything" "Leave it in the crib or you will never get it out of your bed" . And if you're like me, you sure hated to hear them too.
Despite what many people tell us and affirm, it is not possible to spoil a baby for "excessive affection", on the contrary, it will benefit him. They will not get used to the arms, they will not control or dominate you and much less to manipulate. I explain why.
Giving your baby what he needs will not spoil him
Imagine spending your whole life - the only life you know - inside a cave, warm and comfortable. Nobody bothers you, you feel safe and you are happy. Then, one day the space begins to feel quite small because you have been growing and you decide that perhaps it is time to go out and see what is beyond. Find out who owns that sweet voice you hear all the time. So you go out, fearful but determined.
And it turns out that the outside world is not what you imagined or looks like your cave. It is just the opposite. It's cold, there's a lot of light, lots of noise and lots of strange beings that move around you and they look at you and talk like they know you. It's scary, isn't it? That security you had in your cave has disappeared. Now you are alone in an unknown place.
But then, you listen to it. You recognize that voice that is so familiar to you. You turn around and she is there, smiling at you and looking at you with love. And suddenly, all the fears, all those insecurities you had, disappear. She is here to take care of you, protect you and guide you. Just what you need to start getting acquainted with this new world.
This is how a newborn feels. Or at least as I imagine they do. It must be difficult for them to go from being in a quiet and private place, to the hustle and bustle (because remember that it was just him) from the outside world.
Think of some situation you've been in, where have you been the new or newcomer. A new job, the first day of school or going to live in a different country. You don't know anyone, you don't know where things are or how that new place works. You need a guide. In the companies there is the Human Resources staff or some co-worker. In school teachers and educational staff. In a different country perhaps the person to whom you rent your new home or your new neighbors. The fact that they help you and shake hands for the first few weeks will not make you dependent on them, right? You should already imagine where I am going with these examples.
After birth, it is our mother who guides us. Who takes care of us and teaches us new things. While as adults we are already more confident in ourselves when it comes to starting in a new place, being babies we are not. We are helpless and totally dependent. This is your baby. Sometimes all you need is to take him in his arms so he feels better.
During his early years, you will need to keep him close to you to protect him and see him, teach him everything he needs to learn, so that eventually he is able to do things, increase his security and can go alone in the world.
Why don't you get used to it?
Giving him the affection and companionship that your baby needs in his first months or years of life will not spoil him, since although human beings are social by nature, we also like to be independent. As we grow and we stop being babies we enter a stage of constant search for new things and to make all kinds of discoveries.
When my daughter was a baby they used to tell me not to carry her so much because she was going to get used to it and as a first-time mother I was very afraid of that happening. But I felt bad about letting him cry in the crib or knowing what he suffered when he separated her from me. So I followed my gut and I began to load it as many times as I wanted, every time she asked me to and we even decided to try the colecho, which arrived to stay. With my daughter in my arms, we were all happier. Sure if this is read by someone who thinks that babies get sick, they think it was a recipe for disaster and for me to run out of my own life.
But life alone teaches you things. First when my daughter started crawling and fled as fast as she could from me. Then, when she started walking the most fun for her to do a mischief and run away in the opposite direction. Occasionally he still allowed me to charge him. But when I was already an expert in that walk, I wanted to go alone everywhere. Load it? How, if she had a whole world to explore and she no longer needed Mom to take her from one place to another.
This is the normal development of children, all are stages in which they need certain things, but none is forever. So my advice is as follows: load your baby as much as you want, hug it as many times as you can and the time you both need it. Because one day it will grow and you will long again to be small to have it in your arms.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Eleven compelling reasons to choose raising in arms, "Do not take it in arms, which gets used"
