This month we celebrate in several countries the Mother's Day. In Spain it will be Sunday, May 5 and in Mexico, as every year, on the 10th. It is a good time not only to recognize and celebrate being mothers, but to reflect and think in the challenges that this important responsibility puts us.
Before being a mother I looked at life very differently. It is very true what they say, when you become a mother, your way of thinking changes radically. Today I want to share you in this reflection the before and after being a mom: the mother that I thought I would be and the mother that I am.
I admit, being a mother terrified me
Being a mom is such a powerful thing that sometimes it takes me a bit to remember what my life was like before I had my daughter. Many things have changed and I am no longer that young naive of some years ago. My way of thinking, my feelings, my body and my personality, have changed in a way I didn't imagine.
Before being a mom, I was afraid of having children. What I say fear, I was afraid. There were many doubts and questions that were around my head: Can I be a good mom? What if I don't know how to take care of a baby? How am I supposed to take care of a small human being? What if I end up ruining my children's lives? What if my children hate me for being a bad mother?
Questions that may surely sound somewhat ridiculous to those who were already mothers. But for me, they were completely valid and justifiable doubts. I was simply afraid of the unknown. To that mother's life that she only knew from what she saw in the movies or when she saw mothers on the street or restaurants with their children. "How do they do that?"I wondered. It seems to be as easy, as normal, as simple as the activities of any day.
The mother who thought it would be
But despite all my doubts about a woman without children, I did have an idea about what it would be like when I was a mother. First, I thought I would be a strict mother. My children were not going to blackmail me or manipulate me. I would take care of raising responsible and intelligent people. I thought I should be a loving mother yes, but firm.
Something that said a lot and what I'm laughing at now is that within all that "my children are not going to manipulate me", I was sure that I would not allow them to get used to the arms. Bring them all day stuck to me? No joke, then they would not let me do anything and would be dependent and insecure.
And of the colecho nor to speak. It's more, I may not believe it but I didn't know that word: "colecho". I remember the first time I heard it, I had no idea what it could mean. For me my children would sleep in a crib and it's over, nothing to sleep with parents.
Although yes, I thought I would be a very "worried" mom. Being the anxious person that I am, I imagined that having children would multiply. Sure I would be worried day and night, unable to be calm if he did not have them nearby.
As you can imagine, all those words and ideas I had from my future motherhood I swallowed them little by little.
The mother that I am
Today I am the mother of a girl who will be three years old in less than two months. That doesn't make me an expert in motherhood, I know. In fact I have learned that there is no such thing. No one is an expert in being a mother, nor are there perfect mothers. We all learn on the fly and we do our best.
All my thought of "loving but firm mom" that said it would be flew out the window when I first saw my daughter's eyes. I couldn't believe I was a mother. Of course I knew it would be, with the tremendous belly I had in my pregnancy, but it's until you see your baby for the first time when you realize that now the adventure has begun.
Do you remember what I thought about not having my daughter in my arms all day so she wouldn't get used to it and then not let me do anything? Well guess who is the one who did not want to release his daughter and it broke his soul to see him cry when he left her in the crib. And that's how I started at the school, never to leave it. Well, at least not yet.
When my daughter was born I realized a mistake I had made. I had prepared so much for pregnancy, that I forgot to prepare for the moment I had my daughter in my arms. Then I realized that all I thought about motherhood was from the point of view of someone who didn't have the slightest idea of what it is to have children.
I learned to trust my instinct. If I wanted to carry my daughter in my arms all day, I would. If he wanted him to sleep with us, he would. If I wanted to stay for hours watching her sleep peacefully, I would. I had fallen in love, and in the way that only a mother can do it. And I understood then that it was not possible to spoil a baby.
Today I am a happy mom, who practices parenting with attachment, who collects, who enjoys hugging his daughter, but who also lets him be independent and encourages him to do things alone. That he applauds his achievements and that he respectfully corrects him when necessary. And contrary to what I thought, my daughter does not manipulate or dominate me. She is an independent girl, very sure of herself and with an incredible initiative. He always looks for ways to make us laugh with his occurrences and has a caress of love when he looks at us seriously or discouraged.
Although of course it is too early to say if I have raised him well, I think I am on the right track. I learned to be an informed mom, to study and know everything I can about parenting and motherhood, to be able to make decisions in a responsible and conscious way. The mother that I am, knows that her daughter's happiness is a priority. And he also knows that the mother's happiness and well-being will depend on the children.
How is the mother you thought you would be and the mother you are today?
Photos | iStock
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