THE FIRST MENSTRUATION: HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER ABOUT HER PERIOD

To our mothers possibly nobody talked about it. A lot of us either. But the arrival of the menstruation (and the changes that accompany it) should not be a taboo subject for our daughters. Talk about the rule, of the period, is something we can and should do to establish a healthy relationship with your body.

Traditionally the appearance of the menarche (first rule) meant for the family (thanks to the social model) that the girl had just “become a woman”. And what did this imply? Well, I could get pregnant. To that we reduced the whole story. That is what mattered and remained.

And as they were girls, and the issue of sex or mention it, because there was no talk of the rule! Pudor, "it is a woman's thing", "it is not so bad" are some of the ideas raised by the issue. Fortunately we are already understanding that of the rule you have to talk, because it matters.

Missing the subject or not addressing it naturally throws a clear message to our daughters: your body, and what happens in it, is something you should not talk about, it is something we do not talk about.

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Shame, taboo ... are these the emotions we want you to feel about your body? No, right? Menstruation is something that happens to all women, something we live with until menopause arrives, we must talk about it and also do it in the most natural way possible.

What to talk about?

The idea (terror for some) of our daughter starting her active sex life and with that start to expose yourself to unwanted pregnancies It is usually THE THEME that comes to mind when, initially, we think about the rule.

But menstruation is much more than the door to a possible pregnancyOr, it is much much more. Your daughter is living a number of brutal physical and emotional and cognitive changes: almost overnight she will breastfeed, another day she will have hips, another will feel misunderstood and will not know why ...

Is entering adolescence and your world is changingOr, the girl's stage is behind and now a very complex one begins, that of knowing who I am, that of forging my identity.

And part of that identity is that she is a woman, she has female genitals and once a month she will have menstruation, and that is not simply bleeding and choosing the method to not stain the underwear.

Having the rule means living hormonal and emotional changes, having pains and premenstrual syndrome (or not having it, or sometimes having it with pain and sometimes not, sometimes getting sad and sometimes not, etc.), seeing how your body changes according to days of the month (swelling of the chest and belly, etc.)… It is not a little, no.

When and how to talk about it?

As with the issue of sexuality (affective-sexual education, specifically) the answer to the question of when to talk with my daughter about it is: from minute one. Yes, since childhood, since before I had her.

It is not that you have to sit the girl with two years and say "we have to tell you something," is not having a talk. It is about integrating the reality that is the woman's body and the things that happen in her day to day, as part of her education.

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When they are little, the best way to transmit information about it (consciously) is with our example: not hiding that mom has the rule, explaining what are compresses, tampons and cup, taking advantage of some of these moments to tell her that she will also have it when she is older ...

If they know that mom has menstruation from time to time and we have already told her that she will have it too, the day she has her first period she will not live it as something unknown to what she does not know what to do, but as something expected and natural. It may even be something that makes you excited: we can make it beautiful.

If we turn a tooth fall into an event, why don't we talk and embrace a change as natural as menstruation is?

When you ask, what will you ask, tampon in hand, what is that (the children and their curiosity about the bathroom drawers), we must respond with total tranquility and sincerity: it's something that mom uses for when she's on her period, which is that she bleeds around here once in a while.

It should be explained, yes, that this bleeding is not negative, it is not a disease, that nothing bad happens to us (if we do not say it, they may think that it is bad, and it is not the message we want to convey).

You can tell him when you had your first period, at what age, how it was and what you would have liked ... The experiences of daddies are a valuable source of learning for children, because it is done from (and with) empathy.

It is also important that we establish a framework of trust with her in this regard so that she feels she can ask us her doubts, her fears, etc.

And yes, dad can also talk about the rule, it's not just mom's thing.

What information should we convey?

Is something natural That is part of being a woman.
How is having the rule: what is it, what changes will you notice ...
What options do you have: tampon, cup, compress ...
Hygiene: If our grandmothers were told that nothing to take a bath while being with the rule, we should explain the opposite to our daughters, instilling in them the importance of good genital hygiene.
Syndrome premenstrual.
That body changes You can start to appreciate (chest, hips, hair, etc.).

Should we talk about pregnancy? Yes, of course, but not from fear or threat, not a "now you must be careful", but as part of the explanation of what your body is, what happens in it and how it works. Is there anything more wonderful? Let's teach them to love and value it, please.

Children are also told about the rule

Throughout this article I have talked about how to address the issue with our daughters, but for the same reasons, for the same reasons, we must talk about it and fully normalize it with our children.

Not because he does not have a vagina, uterus and ovaries, a child should not know and understand as normal something that happens to his mother, his sister, his friend, his cousin, his teacher ... and in the future to his partners (in the case of being straight), daughter ...

As I said before, normalizing it at home is the best way to start transmitting this message of naturalness, so moms, don't hide that you have the rule. If your child enters the bathroom (which we already know they do, everyone, all the time, right?) When you are changing the compress or the cup or the tampon, do not expel him as if he were to be protected from something terrible.

Let me see what you do or take the opportunity to explain what those things are and why we use them. And if you don't feel comfortable, tell him too, explain that in those moments "mommy" prefers intimacy. This is also a valuable learning for them: the personal limits of each one, the right to say no ...

Everything said for girls, when explaining and discussing the subject, is applicable to boys.

The rule, the menstruationIt is not dirty, it is not bad, it is NORMAL and as such we have to live it and transmit it, both to our daughters and to our sons. For them, for their self esteem, for their self-image, for both for their relationships, to enjoy and learn and grow without the taboos and biases with which other generations grew up.