In the first topic we titled Being a good father We gave some advice for parents to face this new stage of their life with fullness and being able to be that coherent and loving model that can instill in the child security and empathy towards others. Today we will continue reviewing other ideas to improve in the pleasant work that is fatherhood.
You have to earn your child's respect
If our education was overly authoritarian, even if we want to change the trend, it is sometimes inevitable that expeditious and tax behaviors sprout. The "I say it and period" is not educational and simply involves forcing the child to obedience for fear, not for the sincere respect.
The people we really respect are those who show with their behavior the ability to listen, negotiate and respect others. In children it is no different, they may obey us, but if they do it by obligation and not by conviction we will not be laying the foundations of mutual trust.
We all care about our children and want them to listen to us, to listen to us, to help them make the right choices now and in the future. Is it easy to do without sending them to obey without complaining?
It may take more time and effort to negotiate and listen, the gain the trust, but of course it bears better fruits. In the present childhood we will make the child tell us his worries and fears, his dreams, his doubts, if he is sure that we will attend him without recriminating him or harming him with hard words. In the future, when he is a teenager, he will have learned that his father is trustworthy and respectful, because he always listened to him that way. You have to earn that respect and trust from early childhood. Then, it is late, when they no longer obey us out of fear we cannot even know what is in their minds and we cannot be that adult figure who loves them and accompanies them in the difficult growth towards youth and adult life.
Another issue is not only having the time and willingness to talk to them, the attitude and issues we discuss are also very important. Dad can not be the one who scolds and punishes, that threatening figure that the mother cites to maintain a discipline that gets out of hand. This is the work of both parents, who, leaving behind the models of a patriarchal society in which man was the maximum authority of the house, handle decisions in common, equally.
And it is that if Dad is going to scold and never has time for children if it is not to review their bad behaviors, they cannot be that close and reliable person that the child will freely approach.
To generate and even cover the basic needs of the child, not something that arouses respect for the good in them, nor is it logical to expect them to obey us without further ado. He respect is earned with respect, I will never get tired of repeating it.
Being a father is also setting limits
Of course, being a good father is also put limits. The child needs limits to grow safe. The limits are not to hugs, to time in common, to love, to the attention of your emotional needs. The limits are necessary to establish rules of coexistence, and all of them are summarized in the respect, respect that must be mutual and that we can only consistently wait if we give it previously.
There's also physical limits necessary and the obligation of both, dad and mom, is to determine them. It is not that we have to silence the child and be still if it bothers me, because what I am referring to is to allow ourselves to allow our children to develop freely, according to their evolutionary needs for growth and exploration, in safe and appropriate areas for them.
Adequate spaces and areas For children they are a limit that is our responsibility. If we insist on taking the child to a bar, a long restaurant meal, a hospital visiting a sick person or a newly born relative, an adult meeting where you can not play or run, dangerous spaces where you can not move freely and where we are going to have to be constantly scolding, places where no one will listen to them and they are without attention or be able to participate in the conversation, they are not suitable places for children.
We must limit as much as possible that they have to remain in them, because they are not tailored to children and violate their needs to be cared for and to be able to move, things that their nature impels them to do.
Obviously there are things that can not be done: put your fingers in a plug, the sandwich on the DVD, throw delicate objects on the floor, jump over furniture that can tip over, hit the little brother, look out the window, cross without shaking hands . But these and many others can also be prevented by adapting spaces, times and attention to seek to avoid such situations. Again, the limit is not to resort to screaming, but rather provide children with adequate limited areas so that, in them, they can be free.
Conclusion
We have seen that for Being a good father You have to know how to earn respect through respect and know how to set limits by adapting the situations to which we expose the child to their evolutionary needs.
