Children have times in their development when they are really intense. About two years, when they begin to shape their individual personality is when they begin with the "No" to everything; later on, the one known as "early adolescence" appears, when more than asking demand, and before our "No" they often react in the worst possible way, sometimes looking for ways to do the maximum damage.
Something like that is what happened to Kathleen Fleming, a single mother who had an argument with her son that ended with such a slam, that the door mirror broke into a thousand pieces. He explained it on his page, and netizens were surprised at how inspiring your reaction was.
"Broken things"
In this way he titled the entry on his page, which was shared in La Voz del Muro, where we have taken part of the translation that you can read below:
This was my hall last Wednesday: broken, sharp and treacherous. I was like that.
It was my son who did it.
Sometimes, or very often in reality, things break irreparably, and leave you breathless ... suddenly.
My breath caught when my son broke into the bathroom, frustrated, angry and fed up with his own (and very important to him) reasons. Moment in which he decided to slam the door of the bathroom, causing the heavy mirror that hung from it to fall to the floor, breaking into a million pieces.
I was quiet. I watched the damage and took a deep breath. I took the dog out so it didn't cut its legs and I lowered the cat to the basement for the same reason.
I went out to the backyard and felt my warm tears sliding down my face. It's amazing how alone we can feel single parents at times like this. I also realized how scared and disappointed I felt. Has this really happened? Yes, it was real.
And while I was standing assessing whether this was an indication of his character and his development, I heard his crying through the bathroom window.
His wounded soul. This was also not what he expected. "Hello, I don't remember inviting you to my house."
Afraid.
Terrified.
Ashamed.
Worried.
Scared.
Take a deep breath, warrior mom, take a deep breath, I told myself. This small and fragile soul needs you now. He needs the best of you. Your great compassion. Your softest and strongest love for mom and your safety. Take a deep breath again and go.
Go. Go now. Open the door, dodge the broken glass, listen to how he hears you approach, look through the slit that leaves the door ajar, see the face you love most in the red world of worry and wet with tears. His voice suddenly sounds so small: "Mom, I won't do it again, I'm sorry SO MUCH." More tears More crying So much uncertainty in her sweet face.
Go mom Take it. Go now. Put it in your lap. Yes, you are crying too. Damn it, this is important. Hold it tight. Watch how a ball is made in your arms quickly. Look how willing you are to love him. To give him security. Look how small it is yet. Look at how fragile this spirit is.
I love you
You are safe.
I'm right here
The worst is over.
I have you.
I'm here.
I love you
Go mom Talk to him about anger. Tell him now. Anger is a very powerful feeling. You have the right to feel anger. Anger burns. It can purify. It can also destroy. He nods, he feels it, he is knowing the anger.
There is a better way to show your most intense feelings.
We will work it together ... tomorrow.
I am here to help you.
You are safe.
You will never be alone in your anger.
You will never be alone in your fears.
I'm here. We are here together.
Now let's clean together.
And so we clean the broken pieces. We sweep and aspire. It was a silent job, it was careful. It was a thoughtful job.
Sometimes things break. Sometimes we break them. It is not the rupture that matters but the how or the why. What matters is how we choose to respond to this fact. Does this harm us? Does it push us to a downward spiral of guilt and punishment?
Or does it help us remember how to love more deeply? Does it push us toward compassion over “right” and “wrong,” towards love?
Yes love.
Go mom Go now. Take your baby. Teach him this. Show him this. Live this. It's call love. Go now.
Anger is one more feeling
Happiness, joy and emotion are feelings that we accept and embrace because we consider them positive. Sadness, disappointment and anger, on the other hand, we usually reject them right away because they hurt.
But nevertheless, they are feelings too, and deserve to be accepted equally because they exist, because they appear, because our children discover them soon, when they are not able to understand them, manage them or overcome them by their own means.
We adults often insist on drowning them from the outside: "Don't get like this," "Stop screaming," "You can't be angry about this," "It's not that bad," "Enough, stop it now," and so on. We don't help them understand what they feel, but we run the risk of getting something worse, who believe their feelings are wrong. Let them think that they shouldn't feel that way, turn their backs on their beliefs, their motives and their reasons.
As this mom says, as she explains so well, anger exists. In many moments of life it will appear. It is unavoidable. But before its appearance, before problematic situations, that generate us anger, mixed feelings, we can choose how to act.
In other words: we cannot choose to feel or not anger, or at least not when you are a small child, because childhood feelings are pure, they come from the depths of your emotional world and have not yet learned to relativize as we do However, they can choose how to act when the feeling appears, if in a destructive way or if looking for a way to understand the reason for the anger and overcome it in a constructive way.
As I explained more than a year ago, I do let my children cry, I do allow those feelings, we should all. And we work them so that the response on their part helps them move forward, grow, mature, and avoid conflicts. There are three, they get angry often, and the easiest way is shouting and hands ... hurting.
"Talk, don't hurt, explain how you feel; tell him why you feel that way; and let him answer, tell you why he did it. Get to a common point, or at least try."
This is how people grow up, This solves children's problems, and thus they are solved (or should be solved too) those of adults.
